TV RUINED MY LOVELIFE

Chiz's Fan, Team Chiz Tarlac Chapter & Me: Seryoso ba kayo?

2009-11-10T00:27:00.003+08:00

I really don't intend to be so serious about anything in this blog because Philippine politics, though deliriously hilarious, is serious in nature. Chill lang ako palagi. But a reaction about my entry "CHIZ & I: EPIC FAIL (ANG VIRAL AD)" compelled me to give a reaction na salubong ang kilay at nakakunot ang noo. Ibang level.

Dallin, the blogger of "Team Chiz Tarlac Chapter" gave a superdooper reaction about my blog entry. It was so serious and so defensive that I'm sure she'll get a cabinet post if her Hero wins the Presidency. Lorelai Fajardo's post, perhaps. Hehehe!

At siyempre my reaction:

Dear Dallin,

thank you for visiting my blog. i'm oh so sorry that it took me almost two months to notice that i have a comment. buena mano ka kasi. hahaha!

it is such a happy thing to see when a person fight for what he or she believes in with such passion, without remorse or even sense of humor... just like what you did. i love it.

but it becomes annoying and heartbreaking at times when people get too passionate when they hear mga mabulaklak na salita such as "help you help yourselves" "build a nation" "uplift our moral obligations and a receding economy" and words alike. Talagang sige, bigay hilig!

These are the same people who cling to hope but show no understanding whatsoever.

What we don't realize is the fact that these are all motherhood statements. They don't come with concrete plans of action. Unfortunately, these words are also the words used by presidential wannabies who lack vision. They use those words for convenience because "para sa masa" is sooooo 1998.

The question is always WHAT and not WHO
Ano ang plataporma de gobierno niya? Simple lang ang tanong di ba?

Another thing,

I'm sure with your enthusiasm and your belief in your candidate, it would be almost impossible for you to change your mind, fortunately, i'm not interested in doing that. I just hope that your leader can learn from you. I hope he learns the value of fighting for what he believes in...and actually DOING SOMETHING for it, no matter how inconvenient it may be and not cover it with innocuous words for him not to offend anyone.

Halos isang dekada ng kaalyado ng administrasyon ang NPC, bakit naunahan pa siya ni Gibo to volt out.

And besides, kung nagpatuloy ang pag-upo ni ERAP sa Malacañang malamang kontrabida ang magiging tingin mo sa kandidato mo, pwera na lang kung maka-ERAP ka din. Pero dahil mas malala ang pumalit kay ERAP, mala-WAPAKMAN ang kandidato mo at may kamehame wave pa.

And my dear Dallin, I DON'T NEED A CANDIDATE to inspire me to help build our nation. i've been advocating for responsible and informed voting election season in, election season out. and this is doing my part to help build this nation... among other things.

ikaw? ano na ang nagawa mo? nagtatanong lang.

Good times!

Yours, truly,

PansitLove

PS. May regalo ako sayo. Sabi ni ng Hero mo, deins daw kelangan ituro ang trigonometry sa elementary at highschool kasi nakakabigat lang sa bag at deins naman nila kailangan yun kapag bibili ng suka sa tindahan.

CHIZ & I: EPIC FAIL! (ANG VIRAL AD)

2009-09-09T19:12:00.015+08:00

It's almost been a month since my last post. I intend not to post anytime soon because politics and everything around it has been rather boring and passe... Tipong, "yan na naman?" "napanood ko na yan..." but my mind changed when I spoke with Santino earlier this morning.

Santino: Kuya! Kinausap ako ni Senator Chiz

noong nakaraang linggo. Binigyan niya ako ng apat na boteng pili nut at isang kalderong kandingga kapalit ng pagkuha niya sa akin bilang special effects consultant para sa commercial niya na shinooting namin noong nakaraang Miyerkules.

Pansit Love: Ano naman ang ginawa mo?

Santino: Basta secret yun! Pero para siyang kamehame wave. Hihihi! Sana nga hindi magalit si Bro kasi hindi ko pinagpaalam sa kanya. Nagsisisi nga ako, kasi hindi ko naman alam na maanghang yung kandingga.

Pansit Love: Patay kang bata ka.

Tanggapin man ninyo o hindi, trapo ang taong bida sa videong ito.

Kung ang dahilan ninyo para iboto si Chiz Escudero sa pagkapangulo ay

dahil wala kayong dahilan para hindi siya iboto, ngayon,

mga Binibini at mga Ginoo...

Yan na ang dahilan na hinahanap ninyo.

We don't need a hero.

We don't need a saint.

We don't need a barkada and a pare.

WE NEED A LEADER.

JINGGOY & I: EPIC FAIL! (ANG WEBSITE)

2009-08-17T14:27:00.008+08:00

Sa isang inuman session sa isang beerhouse sa ilalim ng LRT 2 sa San Juan. Magkakasama sina Senator Jinggoy Estrada, ang blogger na si PansitLove at ang computer expert na nagtratrabaho kay Jinggoy na si MasterKing.

PansitLove: Senator! Ayos yang bagong laruan mo ha. Kumikinang-kinang pa.

Jinggoy: 13 inches MacBook Pro yan pare koy! Buti may WiFi dito, ipapakita ko sayo kung bakit ko binili tong laptop na 'to.

Inopen ang http://www.senjinggoyestrada.com/index.php/articles/18.html :

Jinggoy: Ta-daaaahn! Angas di ba? Tsaka ewan ko ba sa ibang unga na papangalanan pa yung website nila ng AKALAMO, pano malalaman na siya yun, paano kung maling akala yung mga bumibisita dun? Wahahaha!

PansitLove: Senator, parang may mali, "No items exist in this category" sa "Bills enacted into Law" mo? MasterKing, bakit walang nakalagay, namadali mo ata.

Jinggoy: Ano yung mali na sinasabi ni PansitLove, MasterKing?

MasterKing: Ah Senator, wala po. Lahat ng instructions ninyo sa akin sinunod ko to the letter.

(sabay bulong kay PansitLove)

MasterKing: Hindi mehn. Talagang walang nakalagay diyan. At ang sabi niya, ipagdiinan ko daw na kasing galing siya ng erpats niya nung nanunungkulan pa ito...

PansitLove: Anong pagkakaintindi mo dun? Na walang kakwenta-kwentang pulitiko ang mag-ama dahil wala naman magandang mabuting nagawa sa bayan kundi magpapogi, sisihin si FVR kung bakit hindi sila mapatakbo ng maayos ang gobyerno at mangubra sa jueteng operations dito sa Pilipinas?

MasterKing: Ikaw ang may sabi niyan, mehn, hindi ako...

KABAYAN & I: EPIC FAIL (MANG-AAGAW NG PWESTO)

2009-08-12T15:08:00.007+08:00

Before the mass sa Manila Cathedral in para kay Tita Cory matagal-tagal din na antayan ang dinanas namin ni Lolo FVR. There were a lot of famous personalities from different fields to pay their last respects to one of the country's most influencial and well-loved figure. Si Tita Cory nga.

Nakakaoverwhelm nga na a Head of State was present at that time kahit na hindi state funeral. Walang proto-protocol para sa mamang yun. Basta makita niya ang idol niyang si Cory sa huling pagkakataon. Siya si Jose Manuel Ramos-Horta. President ng East Timor (Timor Leste).

(Hindi tulad nung galing New York. Bastos na nga. Nambabastos pa)

Lolo FVR, with his unlit tabacco, introduced me to President Horta and stressed that they were not related. Obviously, tisoyin si Ramos-Horta.

May naalala nga pala si FVR:

FVR: Dumagas ka diay Alabang diay balay tapno mangala ka ti buggu-ong. Ado. Kaggakgappok diyay San Manuel edi Domingo.

Pansitlove: Wen Apong.

Mayamaya pay dumating si Kabayang Noli de Castro. Mukhang ngarag at nagmamadaling makakuha ng magandang seat. Siyempre Lolo FVR introduced President Ramos-Horta to Kabayan.

Sabi ni FVR: Mr. Vice President, let me introduce you to Mr. Jose Ramos-Horta, the President of the Democratic Republic of Timor-Leste. He is one of...

Ang dinig naman ni Kabayan: Mr. President, let me introduce you to Mr. Jose Ramos... yada yada yada... kelangan ko makuha yung pwesto malapit kay tabako... yada yada yada...

So alam na ninyo siguro ang kasunod? Tinulak ni Kabayan ... OO! TINULAK NIYA!!!... ng kanyang dalawang kamay! Sino?! Sino pa ba? Eh di si Jose Ramos-Horta!!! At bakit? Para makatabi si Lolo FVR!!!

Ang saya-saya, noh?

Hmmm... ah... I just kept quiet at binusalan ko na lang yung bibig ko ng tabako na na-arbor ko kay Lolo FVR.

Tapos... pagkatapos nun...:

PansitLove: Apong, apay ta induron ni Kabayan ni President Ramos-Horta? Gustong tumabi sa inyo?

FVR: Diak amo. Siguro krash nak. Wahahaha!

Nacurious si FVR, so tinanong niya si Kabayan:

FVR: Oist Noli, bakit mo naman isiniwasiw si President Ramos-Horta. Baka nakunan ka sa camera ng ABS-CBN niyan. Nakakahiya.

Sagot naman si Kabayan:

PANSITLOVE: NATIONAL ARTIST 2009

2009-08-08T02:20:00.026+08:00

Yesterday, I received a letter from Sec. Cecilia Guidote-Alvarez, Executive Director of the National Commission for Culture and the Arts, informing me about my late addition to the list of the names that will be given the title "Pambansang Alagad ng Sining" or the "National Artist Award"

Kaya nga I was shocked. National Artist ako!

Maitanong ninyo kung ano ba yang nasyo-National Artist Award na yan, aber? Yun lang naman kaya ang pinakamataas na uri ng parangal na pwedeng ibigay sa isang Filipino Artist. Biruin mo yun, ako National Artist? Eh di ba may cash gift yun? Mababayaran ko na yung ibang mga utang ko!!!

The letter though was kinda insulting (ipangalandakan bang wala man lang daw akong naiambag na kabutihan sa larangan ng sining at kultura!? Marunong naman ako mag-Photoshop tsaka may socio-political cultural blog ako ha! Di ba, culture and arts yun?) but nonetheless, I AM A F*CKING NATIONAL ARTIST!!! BEAT THAT SH*T, YAH!

Dahil nga baon ako sa utang at wala akong pambili ng scanner, pinityuran ko na lang yung letter ni Sec. Alvarez:

Oh, the letterhead reads NCCA, National Commission for Culture and the Arts, sa saling-Filipino, Pambansang Kumisyon para sa Kultura at Mga Sining. The letter was handwritten and was addressed to... ahem!... yours truly lang po naman.

The first paragraph reads that Ms. Alvarez wanted to inform me that I was included in the list of National Artist Awardees dahil daw ako ay isang "BIGATEN". I don't know kung ang ibig sabihin niya ay pwede akong sumali sa Willie of Fortune sa Wowowee o talagang matabang mama na masiba kumain (which, pagnagkataon, is pretty offensive, ha!).

Sabi din niya na ako daw ay handpicked ng ating mahal na Pangulo. Dagdag pa niya if it wasn't too late at kung hindi "epal si Chiz at yung Supreme Court Chief Justice na nakalimutan ko ang pangalan", PGMA could have added me to the list of nominees for the next Supreme Court Justice to be submitted by the Judicial and Bar Council. Sayang!!! Masaya pa naman magsuot ng robe at maghahahataw nung martilyo ng martilyo dun sa Supreme Court! Order in the court! Order in the court!

But Sec. Alvarez apologized because we will be awarded together with the film director who massacred everyone in his films, Carlo J. Caparas daw. Kung bakit siya humingi ng pasensya, deins ko alam mga pare koy.

(i-click nyo na lang yung pityur para mabasa yung letter maigi)

At siyempre, Sec. Alvarez signed the letter.

Moving ilong...

Ang alam ko, artists are nominated by their grassroots organization and peers. Nominees have to undergo a rigorous process with three (3) selection stages before the National Artists are named. There is this what they call a "Presidential Prerogative" na kung saan pwede magdagdag at bawas (kapag magaling magturo ang PUNO, matututo talaga ang bunga) ang ating Mahal na Pangulo ng mga names ng mga trips niyang artist. Sabi, si Mr. Manuel Conde (Film and Broadcast), si Prof. Lazaro Francisco (Literature) at si Maestro Alcuaz (Visual Arts, Painting, Sculpture and Mixed Media) eh mga dumaan sa process.

Yung iba, sinalimpusa na lang ni Madam. Hehehe! Pero kahit na di ba? Wala ng bawian. Touch-move!!!

Teka, sabi ko na nga, may katotohanan na sumali ang Ating Mahal na Pangulo sa aking PansitLove Fans' Club. Kaya siguro ako ginawang National Artist... Hmmm... Heto nga yung pityur (huling-huli sa camera!):

Maybe that's the reason why CCP people make ngawa a lot. Transactional politics daw? Eh hindi naman nakipagtransact ang Ating Mahal na Pangulo sa akin. Member siya ng fans' club ko. And maybe the reason she joined was bilib siya sa pagiging ma-sining ko. Hindi ba ninyo naisip yon?! Mga pulpol na to!

Oh di ba! Kayo lang eh! Masyado kasi kayong elitista! Hindi ninyo kayang respetohin na kaya rin ng isang galing sa masa na magkaroon ng ganitong parangal. Wag ninyo kaming pagtawanan at alipustahin. Parepareho na tayong mga National Artist ngayon mga ulu... Di ba, Carlo J. Caparas?

PAALAM PANGULONG GLORIA MACAPAGAL-ARROYO. SALAMAT...

2009-08-06T16:05:00.013+08:00

Sa kulturang Pilipino ay tinuruan tayo na masama ang maghangad ng masama sa kapwa. Pero naman, bakit ang mabubuting tao, kinukuha kaagad ni Lord, samantala, ang mga kampon ni Sata...urgh!... sa lupa... oh! Panginoon kong mahabagin... (ok rephrase, masyadong harsh) ...bakit ang mga masasamang taong yun ay parang pinagkalooban ng immortality o kaya naka-god mode parati? It has become really tiring to hope that someday, things would be oh so different.

Pero dapat tandaan natin not to underestimate the power of people who don't do nothing. Tambay lang, dahil sa ang mga tulad nila ay maaring makapagbigay sa atin ng pag-asa na lahat ng ipinagdadasal natin sa tuwituwina ay maaring matupad, kahit sa panandaliang panahon lamang.

Like in this picture, pinatikim sa atin kung paano naghahanda ang militar upang bigyang parangal si PGMA kung matigok siya. This was taken by a gifted bum who has nothing else to do but watch the ABS-CBN coverage of the Cory Aquino procession.

At minsan, pinagbibigyan din tayong magising sa ating mga inaasamasam na makamit at maisakatuparan, kahit na nakalathala lang ito sa maliit na bahagi ng umagang peryodiko.

This was taken from today's issue of the Manila Bulletin. Read the captions. Don't you wish that sometimes you were not taught by your parents not to think of evil thoughts against other people?

Easy way out sana. Hahaha! Mabuhay ang Pilipinas! Mabuhay ka aming mahal na Pangulong GMA!

WILLIE REVILLAME: AKO O SI TITA CORY?

2009-08-05T22:54:00.018+08:00

Yesterday, I stumbled upon a clip from the August 3, 2009 episode of *Wowowee showing Willie Revillame asking the ABS-CBN Traffic to take down the coverage of Tita Cory's transfer from La Salle Greenhills to the Manila Cathedral, being simultaneously shown with his noontime show.

Revillame: "I don't think na dapat ipakita yan (ABS-CBN) management. Nahihirapan akong magsalita dito, nagpapasaya ako nakikita ko yung ano (referring to ABS-CBN's live coverage ng transfer ng remains ni Tita Cory from LSGH to the Manila Cathedral). Sana pakitanggal na muna yan."

(P***ngina! Buti nalang hindi ko napanood yan kundi nasaksak ko ng tabak ang TV ko ng di oras)

In fairness kay **WowoWillie, he was just stressing the point na medyo weird nga naman to show the live feed of Tita Cory's procession side-by-side sa nakakabobo... este nakapagpapasaya niyang programa.

We could also not deny ABS-CBN Management's lapse in judgement. It was really inappropriate to show a girl contestant stupidly dancing to the tune of "Nobody by Wodergirls" (na sobrang LSS) simultaneously with a tremendously mournful event such as Tita Cory's procession. May point nga naman siya, di ba?

Kaya nga halatang kulang na lang murahin ni **WowoWillie ang ABS-CBN, pero kudos to him, he kept his composure. He handled the situation like (maybe) how he handles every situation: Through simpleminded and stupid acts of egocentrism .

**WowoWillie could have asked his *Wowowee people to call ABS-CBN Traffic to convey his sentiments about the issue privately pero he opted to say it on national television. Ang saya-saya, noh?

Pero ganun talaga siguro, mas mabilis nga naman makukuha ang resulta kung bastusan (e)at Bulagaan (ay teka, yung kabilang show pala yun). This incident should be a lesson to ABS-CBN Management not to mess with *Wowowee, most importantly its host, **WowoWillie. Sige kayo, ABS-CBN, baka iwanan kayo niyan at lumipat sa ABC 5 at mabawasan ng kabobohan...este, kasayahan sa network ninyo.

Sa susunod lagi ninyong pagbigyan ang gusto ni **WowoWillie. Ok lang ipagpalit yung live feed ng pagbubunyi, gayon din ang pagluluksa, ng sambayanang Pilipino kay Tita Cory kasi nung nabubuhay pa ang dating pangulo, napasaya naman daw siya ng *Wowowee. And friends baka hindi ninyo natatanong, si **WowoWillie Revillame ang pinakamahalaga at pinakadakilang tao dito sa Pilipinas.

(Oh! Mga stupido! Tapos na ang blogpost ko! Pumalakpak na kayo! Ang malakas ang pagpalakpak, BIGATEN!)

Notes:
* - a critically acclaimed noontime variety show here in the Philippines. Critically acclaimed for its uncanny ability to produce enormous amounts of stupidity in a span of 2 hours, daily
** - Willie Revillame, a critically acclaimed noontime variety show host here in the Philippines. Critically acclaimed for his uncanny ability to make living, breathing, cheering simpletons out of his audiences and produce enormous amounts of bullshit in a span of 2 hours, daily. He abhors paying taxes and loves lipsynching.

ANO ANG "CORY AQUINO" PARA SA AKIN

2009-08-01T14:49:00.014+08:00

"All I can suggest is to forget about yourself and just think of your people. It's always the people who make things happen." - President Corazon C. Aquino, 1933-2009

Madalas kong naninilay kung gaano kaiba ang buhay ko bilang bata kumpara sa aking mga kaibigan and how important roles the name "Cory Aquino" played during the latter part of the 80's when I was growing up in the streets of Sta. Mesa, Manila. Bukod sa mga balita ng kudeta, madalasang mga power outage at destabilisasyon sa gobyerno, I remember the name "Cory Aquino" bilang simbulo ng pag-restore ng demokrasya sa isang payapang paraan. But over and above her accomplishments and shortcomings as a leader and as a symbol of peace and democracy, ang hindi ko makakalimutan kapag nababanggit ang pangalang "Cory Aquino" ay ang mga salitang "Bagong Simula". Isa ang aking pamilya na napagkalooban ng panibagong simula sa pamamagitan ng pagbibigay ng lupa na maituturing na sa amin.

Bilang isang miyembro ng isang mahirap na pamilya na naninirahan sa isang bahay na nakatayo sa ibabaw ng sapa na 4 na maninipis na troso lang ang pundasyon, ang Tita Cory and her administration brought significant change in our lives. Sabi nga sa isang commercial ni idol Robin Padilla, "kailangan lang ng break" and having our own piece of land to call our own was the break our poor family was waiting for.

Pagkaupo niya bilang Pangulo nung 1986, nagsimulang tambakan ng lupa ang sapa at lumaon ay nakuha din ang titulo ng lupa kung saan nakatirik ang aming bahay.

Bago kami lumipat sa Tondo noong 1991, it was 1986, I was 5 years old, living in one of the most impoverished part of Manila, less than 10 minutes away from Malacañang and 15 minutes away from EDSA and Ortigas (wala pa ata kasing gaanong traffic noon). I remember my parents coming home na may indelible ink sa hinlalaki pagkatapos bumoto. Feeling ko it was during the snap elections. Naaalala ko pa na Daddy used to collect a lot of Cory and Doy stickers na dinidikit niya sa ibabaw ng switch ng ilaw sa labas ng bahay. Leaders of the local informal settler's organization, both my parents rallied for the support of our neighbors para kay Cory at Doy. Sumasama sila sa mga civil disobedience na yan at mga talks ng mga opposition leader na ginaganap sa lugar namin. Unfortunately, kahit na ganun sila kaactive, both of them opted to stay home and monitor the situation sa radyo as the People Power Revolution of '86 happens. During that time nga, every 10 minutes ata, may choppers or tora-tora na dadaan sa ibabaw ng community namin. Kung naalala ko maigi, yung mga naka-dilaw na kapit-bahay namin na mga member ng Cory and Doy Fans Club, kasama ang tatay ko, ay nagsagawa ng street party na natapos 2 araw after the successful take-over ng mga tao ang Malacañang at naexile si Marcos. Pero yun nga lang, dalawang araw din atang nagchicheer ng "Cory! Cory! Cory!" ang mga nagstreet party sa amin.

A new government was put to power, Tita Cory was President and our new life started bilang isang family na meron ng sariling tahanan.

Hindi ko pa maintindihan ang kahalagahan ng lahat ng nangyayaring noon. Bata pa kasi ako. P2.50 pa lang ang 8oz na bote ng Coke, pero ngayon, 23 years after EDSA, alam ko na:

Alam ko na kung hindi dahil sa pangalang "Cory Aquino" at sa mga bagay na nagawa nito para sa buhay ko bilang isang batang nakatira sa bahay na nakatayo sa ibabaw ng sapa na 10 minutes away from Malacañang and 15 minutes away from EDSA, hindi ako makakarating sa kung nasaan man ako ngayon and you are one of the reasons why I am proud to be a Filipino.

Salamat Tita Cory. Paalam. Hindi ka namin malilimutan.

BAYANI & I: EPIC FAIL

2009-07-21T10:23:00.001+08:00

(i-click ang piktyur para jumambo)

Sabi ni Bayani "BF" Fernando, "Marikina: Singapore ng Asia"

Ang tanong ko naman, "Di ba ang Singapore ng Asia... ay Singapore?"

This is a photo of a "Bayani for President Movement" newsletter entitled "Tinig ng mga Bayani". This was distributed to the people of Tondo early this morning. I have nothing against this kind of marketing strategy pero please naman, kung hindi ninyo kaya kumuha ng magaling na newsletter editor, kumuha naman kayo ng writer na may common sense.

If this blundder is what they call "Ang Alamat ni Bayani", anak ng mga gahiganteng janitor fish sa Marikina River! ito ay isang: (with a big big voice)... EPIC FAIL!!!

...tapos... pagkatapos nun...

Patutsada ko kay BF, "Sibakin mo nga yung project head ng newsletter mo. Siguradong nangick-back yan sa budget. Biruin mo ba naman ang kunin na writer eh lasinggero, "Fundador Soriano". Pangalan na pangalan palang, tomador na."

Sagot naman ni BF, "Alam mo mehn, ang CORNY mo! At blunder yun, hindi blundder. Mali spelling mo, tanga!"

MY CONTRIBUTION TO THE 2010 ELECTIONS

2009-07-17T09:36:00.001+08:00

People, amoy pera na naman ang simoy ng hangin, this means only one thing: malapit na ang ating much awaited event every 6 years, ang Philippine Presidential Elections! Ever since I started writing political commentaries on the web, lagi kong inaadvocate exercise of our right to vote (ano ba yung isang high-polluting word na laging sinasabi ni Rep. Locsin, saperage?)

As a contribution to this upcoming 2010 elections, I decided to write a series of blogs highlighting the recent small booboos of our kagalang-galangs. Sabihin siguro ng iba, "Maninira ka lang ng kandidato, wala ka naman maitutulong talaga" Sagot ko diyan, I beg to disagree. Kung maiha-highlight ko ang mga ito, lets just say, na ang mga ito ay magiging makabago at kakaibang pananaw kung paano dapat natin tignan ang elections at ang mga ways kung paano magpaandar ng campain ang ating mga presidential hopefuls.

Magiging mukha lang siyang joke-time, pero pickapin naman ninyo yung kahit na katiting na kabutihan na makukuha ninyo sa mga isusulat ko sa susunod na mga araw.

Ang title ng series na ito ay "(insert name of presidentiable) & ME: EPIC FAIL"

So ano, simulan na natin!:

PGMA: I WANT A "D" CUP

2009-07-03T11:29:00.000+08:00

This news, or I should say rumor, should be nothing new to me but because it involves my president, your president, our Beloved President GMA it came as a big shock. A friend told me that she read an article on the Manila Bulletin that PGMA had a boob job!

Friend: mehn, don't you ever wonder why GMA's breasts are that luscious?
Pansitlove: wtf! potah naman chong, pati ba naman si Gloria pinagnanasaan mo?
Friend: no mehn, those tits don't look like granny tits to me! Hahaha!
Pansitlove: potah! ano toh? meron din silang sex video ni Hayden Kho?
Friend: deins mehn, nabasa ko lang sa dyaryo na nagparetoke ng boobs si madam. Hahaha!

According to the article, Mrs. Arroyo underwent removal and replacement of breast silicone implants. Padeny-deny pa sila Sec Cerge. Akala ba ninyo mga artista lang ang tinatamaan ng pagiging banidosa, quarantine ninyo mukha niyo!

Dagdag pa sa article, na a lump in the groin area was also scheduled to be removed by surgery. At nagpabiopsy din si Madame on her breast, sa awa ng kung sino mang lumikha kay PGMA, wala naman talaga siyang sakit.

Yes people! Science is the reason why our beloved President has a perky set of barking puppies. If only she'd agree to blow those tities up to size D, I'm certain that she'll have a buzzling career other than in politics. I'm sure porn has a market for pseudo-presidents. Hahaha!

(hindi na makapagpigil si FG)

(Kung magkataoon, sasakit lalo ang ulo ni Edu Manzano niyan. Quiapo people, make room for PGMA!)

AUGUST MOON, NOYPI EDITION

2009-06-30T02:15:00.000+08:00

It is interesting that more Filipinos abroad are more tuned in with the political developments in our country than the Filipinos living IN our country. To my amazement, a traditionally apathetic friend asked me questions about conspiracy theories and term extensions which honestly, I was not aware of.

Friend: Ano yung Oplan August Moon?
Pansitlove: Huh?
Friend: Yung Oplan August Moon nga!
Pansitlove: Hindi ba yan bagong chapter ng Sailormoon?
Friend: Ay ewan ko sayo!

Para hindi naman ako magmukhang tanga at nagtayu-tayo pa ako ng isang socio-political commentary blog, I did some research. Here's what I gathered:

According to the New Philippine Revolution by Patricio Mangubat, Oplan August Moon (apparently not an upcoming chapter of Sailormoon, a popular Japanese manga) is a supposed plot aimed at installing members of the Philippine Military Academy Class 1978 in key positions as part of a scheme to keep the President in power beyond 2010.

OPLAN AUGUST MOON

Keep this monster in power beyond 2010
Ang Ating Mahal na Pangulo Gloria Macapagal "Pikachu" Arroyo (electric, di ba?)

through a self-coup with the help of these monster-members of PMA Class '78:
- 11 generals from the Philippine Army:

- 7 generals from the Philippine Air Force:

- 5 generals from the Philippine Navy and 1 general from the Philippine Marines:

The plan will be implemented after passing House Resolution 1109. It will be qued after the failure of the proposed automated elections handled by the Comelec which was all over the news this morning when Total Information Management Corp. (TIM) informed Comelec that they were withdrawing from their partnership with Dutch firm Smartmatic International citing irreconcilable differences. This failure of the Comelec just shows that the entire thing was a setup, a design to really sabotage the bidding and compromise the elections in May 2010.

These evil people (coz I can't call them sons of bitches and greedy assholes on my blog) will be orchestrating an environment of distress, chaos and confusion, with reports of bombings, attacks on key government officials and members of the media.

WAIT!

Parang deja vu! Hindi ba nangyari na to dati (anak ng sisiw sa loob ng balot ni Mang Roger!!!) kasi parang- napaka pamilyar. Parang katulad siya nito. Shets! Si Apo na lang ba ang Original Prankster dito sa Pinas? Wala ng bang IBA?

Hmmm... Anyway...

Pagkatapos pagmukhaing dekada sitenta ng mga evil people (kasi hindi ko sila pwedeng tawaging mga gahamang anak ng ****ngina sa blog ko) na yan ang Pilipinas, they'll implement Martial Law na for 60 days while Kongresistas will have a field day (60 days) raping our constitution. Elections for the new Parliamentary Government will be in 2010.

Ang saya noh?
(click ninyo ito dahil NAPAKAWALANG KWENTA NI PANSITLOVE magexplain ng tungkol sa Oplan August Moon kaya babasahin ko na lang sa New Philippine Revolution)

Yes, Ang Ating Mahal na Pangulo wants to stay in power way beyond 2010. They say its not gonna happen, I say, "*****na nyo! Manuod nga kayo ng balita sa TV!"

But honestly, I never expected the PGMA or PMGMA fanatics would be this brilliantly relentless and passionate in screwing up our country for their own interest. Ma-Honduras sana kayo!

(all pictures are from pokemon.wikia.com / all characters are created and owned by Satoshi Tajiri)

PISTA NG SAN JUAN IS WATER CONSERVATION DAY

2009-06-24T19:46:00.000+08:00

The 24th of June has always been known as a pouring and water-logged day in the City of San Juan (and all of Metro Manila for that matter) for its “Basaan” tradition. Today is the feast of St. John the Baptist at in essence, feeling nating mga Pinoy na binigyan tayo ni San Juan Bautista ng power to do the same thing he did to Jesus and other converts more than two thousand years ago -- children and grown-ups alike line up the streets and generously douse passersby or unsuspecting commuters and visitors with water-- and who would pass the opportunity na makapanggago ng kapwa sa ngalan ng religious celebration. At dahil sa ibang bahagi ng Metro Maynila the only accessible water ways are its drainage systems... go figure. Hahaha!

Anyway, since I am an advocate of water conservation (simula kahapon) I decided to do my part and educate you people on how to conserve water in a wasteful event such as this.

TOP 7 Ways to Conserve Water (so you could use it for BASAAN)

7. Don't water your plants. Let typhoon Feria do what all typhoons are made to do: water our plants. "Bakit hindi na lang yung tubig ulan ang pambasa natin?", you might ask. My answer is, "Eh ang laking ka-cornihan pala niyang iniisip mo eh!"

6. Save the water you used for laundry. Because the water has a lot of detergent in it, you can use the pinaglabahan for Basaan. More fresh clean water to use for your other stuff.

5. Take a bath together with a friend, preferably, yung barkada mo na trip mo at hindi ka sasampalin kung yayain mong sabay kayo maligo sa banyo. By doing so, you'd only use half of the water both of you regularly consume. To maximize the water savings, yakapin mo yung kasama mo while taking a shower. Just remember, don't get too cozy with your friend coz it could get really steamy. Sayang yung tubig. Hahaha! (I get it! The joke is corny)

4. Stand on a batsa while taking a shower. The batsa will catch all the used water from your bath with your libag, sabon and all. You can use this to douse unsuspecting Makati yuppies on their way to work. At least Mr. Coñoboy won't be as pissed when he gets to his office at maalala niya lahat ng nangyari sa kanya during this momentous event. Amoy SafeGuard pa siya.

3. If you have kids, pabayaan niyo ng hindi maligo. Just let your kids out on the streets, that way, your neighbors will be the one to bathe them. It is St. John the Baptist Day anyway. Tipid sa tubig di ba?

2. Save the water you used for cleaning the dishes. Same as laundry water, but tastes like chicken... or pinakbet.

1. Save the water you used for brushing your teeth, kasama yung pinagmumugan ha. I told you, we need to conserve water.(Sabay kindat)

HAPPY SAN JUAN FIESTA EVERYONE!!!

x5ch8zte9n

ANONG KASALANAN NG TV SAYO?

2009-06-17T22:21:00.000+08:00

Let's face it, internet age has yet to be a reality in our country. Besides the chismis from Aling Bebe (my favorite pansit and barbeque vendor), the majority of us Filipinos still rely on our trusty TV sets for news, info and entertainment. Hindi lahat ng Pilipino ay excited magkaFacebook. Face lang ni Piolo, Marianne at Ted, solve na sila.

Everything Pinoys need is on TV. Its effect is not as subtle like we think it is. It has a big hand in forming the Filipino Culture as we know it now. It also made a lot of things possible for us --cheer for our world boxing champ when he knocked the hell out of his British opponent, cry together with our favorite soap star when she decided to marry the man who donated a kidney to her lover, give a round of really, really slow clap to our liposucker-turned-pambansang porn star when he appeared in a Senate investigation... Heck! We axed an arrogant jueteng lord for a president and replaced him with Pikachu who's even worse-- That is how powerful TV is. Its not just a simple utility.

So "ano nga naman ang kwenta ng blog na to?" you might ask. My answer is "nothing". This blog would just be my avenue to air my rants and raves about facts wrapped in the edible nature of gossip that I see and hear on TV and how these affect the way I eat and sleep at night.

Anyway,

I think I should install a TV set in the bathroom, kahit na maliit lang. So that way, I will not miss a second of May Bukas Pa, my favorite thing to watch (when I'm not at JT's Manukan in Makati) on a weekday. Its kinda disgusting na kasi when I leave the bathroom door open so I could watch TV from afar while I sit and release all the things my stomach vetoed from lunch. (Siguro naman malinaw na kung bakit ganyan ang titulo ng blog ko.)